Just Fall (The Fall Series) Read online

  “Come on,” his voice was stern.

  Trying to pull myself free I screamed through gritted teeth, “Let me go!”

  “One hour.” His calm demand sent shivers down my back. His intentions weren’t clear, but I couldn’t find the words to defend myself, and somewhere deep inside I didn’t want to.

  On shaky legs I followed him around the corner into the shadow of the imposing rustic barn near the parking lot. My nostrils were flaring from the rush of emotions, and somehow even in the eighty degree heat I had goose bumps.

  When we were safely out of view I took in the scene. A small grove of trees lined the top of the hill overlooking the vineyard in front of us, and the sun beamed through the branches creating shadows all around. We were alone.

  He released my hand slowly as if he was worried I might run the minute he let go. I was frozen. The battle inside of me was raging. But when I looked up at him I knew instantly that something about him had changed. His face was relaxed, calm. His hand caressed my cheek lightly before gently sweeping my bangs away from my eyes, and I wanted to cling to him. Everything inside of me wanted to open up and let him in.

  “I’ve always loved to look at you, Lo. I almost forgot how beautiful you are.”

  My cheeks burned hot, fueled by the delicious mixture of anger and anticipation. His touch made me lick my lips instinctively, and I tried to look away.

  “Don’t hide your face from me. I never want you to feel like you have to hide from me.”

  The tenderness in his voice touched places deep inside of me. Places that I had kept locked away for a long time. I looked up at his face so filled with quiet admiration, and the sun seemed to shine around him like a halo. He cupped my chin in his hands and brushed his lips softly over mine. I closed my eyes, sure he could hear my heartbeat. Our lips pressed together, slowly parting, lingering, and melting my resistance and uncertainty until I felt myself matching his rhythm.

  He stepped closer into me, pinning my body against the rough cool wood of the barn. I held my hands against his chest afraid what would happen if I dropped my guard completely, and the solid strength of his body felt unyielding beneath my fingertips. He wrapped his hand in my ponytail gently pulling my lips from his before blazing a trail across my cheek and down to the most sensitive part of my neck. I was lost in him. The smell of him, the familiarity of him, brought me back to a time when life was perfect, before my world came crashing down and everything changed forever…back to the picture I still carried in my mind.

  Cracks started to form in the wall that shielded me from all the sadness and fear until tears spilled through my eyelashes. I didn’t want him to stop, but I couldn’t control the overwhelming emotions from pouring out.

  “Lo, what’s wrong?” His eyes mixed with desire and confusion searched mine as he wiped my tears away like they were delicate butterflies and pulled me into him tight.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, “I just feel so…”

  “What? What do you feel, Lo? Tell me.”

  Standing there with him I felt like I was twelve-years-old again when my dog, Zoey, had to be put to sleep. I had a hole in my heart that I couldn’t explain. My insides felt hollow. I remembered my dad pushing away the tear soaked strands of hair that clung to my cheeks and wrapping me in his arms so tight. We both knew there was nothing he could do to fix it, but having his strength and love all around me as my heart overflowed was something I’ll never forget.

  It’s been a long time since I’ve allowed myself to feel anything so freely, probably since shortly after my dad passed away. I tried to keep everything locked inside, especially from Jake. He had a hard time dealing with emotions, but I knew he did the best he could. Raised with a strict military father and a docile obedient mother, emotions had no place in his upbringing. The times I did bare my soul to him, he nearly shut down. There were nights I spent sobbing while lying next to him in bed, and all he could do was pull me close and hold me next to him. Somehow it was enough. It had to be, but lately that connection was gone, and I felt lonely and afraid.

  “If I pushed you too far, I’m sorry,” came Parker’s comforting whisper.

  Trying to calm my ragged breathing enough to speak, I closed my eyes while he waited patiently. Once I regained some composure, what came out of my mouth surprised even me.

  “Parker, before I saw you again I thought my life was just fine, but you’ve only been here two days, and I’m questioning everything I thought was right. I’m wondering if it was all just an illusion that I created to avoid dealing with the truth.”

  Feeling like I’d just made a life changing confession, I exhaled deeply. His silence was unnerving. The muscles in his jaw tensed, and his eyes were full of uncertainty.

  Swallowing hard he grabbed my hand. “What is the truth?”

  My eyes dropped to the ground. I couldn’t look at him, but he wouldn’t let me off that easily. I felt his fingers brush my chin before lifting it, bringing my eyes back to meet his. “The truth is that nothing is okay. The Grandview, things with Jake…” I squeaked out the words and watched his face tighten with worry as his jaw flinched again.

  “I know things with Jake aren’t perfect,” anger flashed over his face, “but what’s going on with The Grand?”

  The more I spoke the more I realized this wasn’t the time or place to complicate things between us. I had already revealed too much to this man. I was too vulnerable. I tried to think of a way to avoid answering. Why am I confiding in this practical stranger Am I really that needy?

  I pushed him aside gently and took a few steps forward. Inhale. Exhale. I tried to absorb the serenity of the view as I wiped my face and smoothed my hands over my clothes. I needed to shake these feelings. I needed to get back to Tom and Mary where I was safe from making matters worse.

  I swallowed, trying hard to sound shaky, “We should get back before they wonder what happened to us.”

  Disappointment spread across his face, but he must have sensed not to push me any farther. “Yeah, I guess we should.”

  I was relieved.

  “But you know…” the mischievous grin was back, “I could keep you right here for hours.”

  “Really?” I replied clearing my throat, my smile returning.

  “Yes, really. The minute I saw that ponytail this morning all kinds of crazy thoughts went through my mind. You haven’t seen half of them yet.” Dark desire burned in his eyes, and I briefly remembered the look from the night on the sidewalk in front of The Grand.

  The ponytail? I would love to see what he had in mind…

  “The deal was one hour,” I remind him playfully, “And although you’ve only kept me here for about thirty minutes now,” I said looking at my watch, “I think its best that we get back to the others. They’ll be worried.” I was torn. Part of me wanted this moment to last. I wanted to feel the comfort of his arms around me, the warmth of his chest against my cheek.

  “Kept you here, huh? From what I see you aren’t restrained…although that can be arranged if you like to play rough.”

  And just like that the intensity returned. I pulled away, and he reeled me back in. It was a game of temptation and anticipation, and I wanted to play along, but I knew I shouldn’t. I was afraid to think of where it might lead. No, I knew where it would lead. Instead I turned and started walking toward the entrance.

  We made our way back to the group in silence, Parker walking slightly behind me. When we finally met up with Tom and Mary they were just finishing up the tour.

  “Where have you two been?” Mary asked cautiously. “You’ve missed out on all the fun.”

  “Sorry to worry you, Aunt Mary. Lauren and I went for a walk, and the view was incredible! Wouldn’t you agree, Lo?”

  I shot Parker a look of disbelief before trying to explain.

  “Yes, we had a wonderful time catching up.”

  Tom put his hand on Mary’s shoulder as if to stop her from prying any further. “Well, that’s great, you two. Y
ou didn’t miss much anyway.” Mary glared at him, and he chuckled.

  Taking the opportunity to change the subject, Parker quickly interrupted. “I’ll go get the car if you’re ready to head to our next stop.”

  As he walked away, my gaze instinctively followed. Everything about him screamed confidence, experience, and pure sex. What am I doing with him? Am I entertaining some unfulfilled fantasy, or am I fooling myself into believing there could be something more?

  The rest of the day was perfect. Parker tried to lure me away several times, playfully pointing out places we could go to escape when the others weren’t looking. Between his antics and Mary’s stories, I laughed until my stomach hurt.

  The mood between us had relaxed. It felt like a valve had opened relieving the pressure that had kept us at odds for so long. The sexual tension lurking just below the surface was undeniable, but things seemed kinder, lighter.

  On the drive back Mary suggested that we meet for dinner on the patio at The Grand. They would be leaving at check-out in the morning, and the idea seemed like the perfect ending to our weekend together.

  I went back to my room to freshen up, and called down to the bar to reserve a table. It was Saturday night, and the same band was playing again. Anticipating another full house, I could hear the excitement in Steve’s voice as he assured me that everything was under control.

  I hung up the phone smiling and full of satisfaction that The Grand was really making a comeback, but the butterflies tingling in my stomach as I thought about saying goodbye to Parker reminded me that things were far from under control.

  Thoughts of him consumed me. Our indescribable attraction had suddenly turned my world upside-down. Every part of me wanted him. Like an addict, the high he had me on was insatiable. That’s the only way to describe it. I felt like I’d tried a dangerous drug for the first time. I knew I should stay away. I knew I had to be careful not to let this feeling take control of me, but the high was too powerful, and it was only a matter of time before it drew me in deep.

  My chest flooded with anxiety when I heard my phone beep. It was a text from Jake.

  “The job is still behind schedule. I’m staying to work through the night. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Tossing the phone on the table like it just bit me, I gave it one last look before walking out the door. Parker would be gone in the morning. Jake would be home, and things would be back to normal again. My face felt warm with guilt and shame, but I quickly pushed these feelings out of my mind. For now I was chasing the high, and it scared me to admit that I would do anything to feel it one more time.

  Six

  INTO TEMPTATION

  As soon as I opened the door I came face to face with Parker. “Oh my God! You scared the hell out of me!” I shrieked stumbling backward into the room.

  “Glad to see I have that effect on you, Lo.” His lips curled in that delicious way that sent warm tingles up my spine.

  Feeling panicked I blurted out the only thing that came to mind. “What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting for dinner in a few minutes?”

  “We are, but I wanted to talk to you first. Alone.”

  Alone. I didn’t expect to be alone with him again so soon. My heart jumped at the thought.

  “Sounds serious. You want to come in for a minute? But just for a minute. Tom and Mary are waiting,” I reminded him as my body protested silently.

  When he followed me in I felt his eyes on me. I retreated to the far end of the kitchen and positioned my back against the counter waiting for his explanation. My pulse raced when I glanced over at the dangerous proximity of my king size bed.

  Before I knew what was happening he quickly closed the gap between us. His hands pushed my dress up lifting me onto the counter with his body positioned squarely between my legs.

  I bit my lip hard as the heat of his hands on my bare thighs sent sparks of energy pulsing and swirling through my body. He lowered his head touching his lips to my neck, increasing the pressure slowly, deliberately. His fingers massaged my thighs working on a path ever closer to the spot I longed to feel his touch. Easing my head back I closed my eyes and shamelessly opened myself to him.

  His lips found mine, and our tongues slid together eagerly as his fingers finally reached their goal gently brushing over the thin satin barrier of my panties. His other hand tugged at the front of my dress, expertly exposing my breasts. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and inhaled sharply as his warm mouth captured one hard peak and then the other creating a delicious throbbing sensation between my legs. Arching into him, I moaned and his name escaped my lips.

  He leaned his forehead against mine as if to clear his mind and whispered, “Shh…Lo, just listen for a minute please.” His fingers retreated, tracing lines at the hem of my dress as he spoke, making it hard for me to concentrate. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to fight off the urge to touch him. Struggling with the need for him to rip my clothes off and take me on the kitchen counter, my thighs remained spread wide silently inviting him to take more.

  My body tensed with anticipation when I opened my eyes again to find him staring at me, and I watched as his tongue flicked over his bottom lip before he continued. My finger instinctively traced the path his tongue had made, and his eyes narrowed and his brow creased as he winced as if he were in pain.

  “I want to carry you to your bed claim your body in every imaginable way, leaving no doubt that you belong to me,” he said, his voice low and raspy as he grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Don’t make this harder for me than it already is. There are things we need to talk about first.”

  He brought me so painfully close to the edge. My body willed him to keep going. “I want you too, Parker. I think we both need to…give in. We both need closure so we can move on with our lives.”

  “Christ, Lo! Is that what you think this is about? Moving on? Closure?” He pulled away turning his back to me as his hands fisted angrily in his hair.

  “What do you want from me, Parker? I’m confused. Against every moral fiber in my soul I’ve just admitted that I want to have sex with you, to close this chapter once and for all. And that makes you angry? Am I missing something here?” I sat up and tugged my dress back into place.

  He stormed around the kitchen his jaw flinching. “Fuck yes it makes me angry! I thought coming here would be a mistake, but I’m glad I did. I’ve never had this kind of connection with anyone before. I wasn’t even sure if it would still be there, and facing either possibility scared the hell out of me. But the moment I saw you again I knew it did, and I knew I couldn’t lose it this time.”

  I couldn’t breathe. My eyes were fixed on him, still pacing. Lowering his voice he continued, “Seven years ago when I found out your mom was sick, that she might die,” he paused, swallowing hard, and my body went stiff when I realized where he was going, “I panicked, Lo. I knew there was nothing I could do to fix it. I knew you were about to go through the worst pain you had ever felt in your life, and there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do to change it, but I was just a kid. I didn’t know what do, so I ran, and I never looked back. All these years I never forgave myself for leaving you alone when you needed me most.”

  I almost choked on the lump forming in my throat. I needed to hear those words for so long. Pushing myself abruptly off the counter and straitening my skirt I turned my back to him so he couldn’t see my face. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed the memories to leave my brain. Then, not sure if I could ever truly forgive him but desperately wanting to, I lied. “Parker, it’s in the past now. It’s over.”

  “No, it’s not over. You had everything, Lo, the perfect family, The Grandview. I always wanted to be a part of that in some way. Me on the other hand. I had nothing without Tom and Mary. Through the endless parade of stepparents and moving from state to state they were the closest thing to a real family I ever had, and so were you. When everything was falling apart I did too. I cracked under the pressure, and instead of holding on I just le
t it all go. It was the biggest mistake of my life, Lo, and I’m not about to make it again.”

  Make it again? What did he mean by that? His words vibrated through my brain as I spun around to meet his intense gaze. “I missed you Parker. I’m still mad as hell at you, but I missed you. I don’t think I ever let go of that either, but like I said it’s over now. Let’s just move on. Isn’t that what you want?”

  Anger flashed over his face, and he almost roared. “I want you to stop being so proud and let me help you! I’m not about to stand by and watch you lose all that you have left, especially not when there’s something I can do to stop it. Jesus! Do I have to spell it out, Lo? I know The Grand’s in trouble. I know about the situation with Evelyn, and I want you to let me help.”

  I held my balled fists at my sides. Frustrated, I screamed back, “So that’s what this is all about? Some seven year guilt trip you need to resolve? I don’t need your help, Parker Blackwell! I lived without it then, and I can live without it now!”

  “I deserved that, but I knew you’d be stubborn. You’re fucking impossible. You know that? Why won’t you take my help? It’s just money, and I have plenty of it. Call it a loan if that helps you swallow your fucking pride. Call it whatever you want. I couldn’t live with myself if you lost this place.”

  “I’m not losing anything!” I dug my fingers into the edge of the countertop, resisting the urge to lash out at him. I wanted this conversation to be over, and I couldn’t wait to get away from him. Several minutes passed in silence.

  His voice was barely a whisper, but I heard exactly what he said, “I’ve always loved you, Lo.”

  My head dropped down from the weight of the overwhelming emotions those words stirred inside of me. The memories of my mom and dad, their deaths, his absence, his return. It was all too much to bare. “How can you love me, Parker? We don’t even know each other anymore. Sex and love are two different things.” Even as the words left my mouth I wondered if in some inexplicable way I loved him, too.